


Waking Without You

by wordsarelifealways



Series: Insomnia [3]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, unintentional drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 23:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10775136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsarelifealways/pseuds/wordsarelifealways
Summary: Isak hasn't slept in weeks, but Even hates waking without him.





	Waking Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Set three or four months after His Wilted Flower. The boys are now living in their own flat in this!
> 
> It's also a continuation of [this](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com/post/160128249928/things-even-experiences-with-sleepytired-isak) lil drabble I wrote on tumblr last night if you want to see where this random piece came from!

Even hates waking up without Isak.

Since they moved in together it hadn’t really been an issue.  Sure there are the odd night when Even visits his parents and ends up staying the night, or Isak parties too hard with the boys and ends up passed out at Jonas’, but Even is lucky enough now to be able to say he wakes up almost every day tangled up with Isak.

This is why when he stirred in the middle of the night and found himself severely lacking a sleepy snugly boyfriend his lips pushed into a pout.  Was it too much to ask for to just have _one_ night where he got to cuddle his boyfriend for the night before they had to deal with a new day’s bullshit?

His annoyance, however, flew out the window when he heard retching coming from their bathroom.  It wouldn’t have been a surprise to Even if Isak had caught some bug going around; Isak had hardly slept the past couple of weeks and his immune system was probably through the floor.  It didn’t help that he ate like shit.

Even was beginning to realise that it was a miracle Isak wasn’t sick more often.

He took a breath and rolled himself out of his duvet cocoon, ready to go comfort his boyfriend.  He grabbed a hoody off the floor and pulled it on to keep the chilly night air from biting at his sleep warm skin and crossed the flat.

“Baby?” He croaked out, too tired to be embarrassed by his sleep roughened voice.  He could still hear retching when he knocked on the bathroom door.  He figured Isak hadn’t heard him and pushed the door open, unaware that his world was about to turn on its axis.

Isak was curled up tight around the toilet puking his guts up, but Even’s eyes were instinctively drawn to the bright bottle of pills a few inches away from Isak, so bright in contrast to the bland lino.  Even swiped them up quickly, his pulse rushing in his ears as he checks the label of the mostly empty bottle in his hand.

“Isak, what have you done?” Even could hear his voice, but he wasn’t aware of his mouth moving.  His eyes were stuck on the label of the bottle.  The sleeping pills Isak had bought a week ago.  He’d had maybe four since he bought them, and yet here the bottle was in Even’s hand almost gone.

 _Fuck_.

Even was starting to think he was having a heart attack as his heart tried to squeeze itself up his throat and out of his mouth.  Was it considered a romantic gesture to actually vomit your heart into your hands to give to your loved one?

Probably not.

He fell to his knees opposite Isak, the pill bottle discarded carelessly in favour of pushing the damp hair from Isak’s forehead.

“Baby, fuck, what did you do?” His cheeks were wet, but he couldn’t feel himself crying.  Isak threw up again, his body lurching forwards as he gagged.  The circles under his eyes looked more like bruises, like life had just punched him square in the face, and his skin was a tired grey.

He looked like hell.

How had Even not noticed?  How had it got to the point where Isak was necking a bottle of pills and Even hadn’t seen any of the signs?  Even knew first hand that messed up sleep and eating were major depression red flags, why had he not connected the dots sooner?  Why had he let Isak spiral so hard?  Why did Isak feel like he couldn’t talk to him abo-

“I’m sorry.” Isak spluttered a little around his words, his stomach heaving again despite not having anything left to purge.

“Baby, this isn’t the answer.” Even still felt like his heart was in his throat, his voice coming out thick around it.  “Whatever’s hurting you, we can deal with it.” Even promised, stroking his thumb over Isak’s clammy cheek.  Isak’s green eyes were looking at him from across the toilet bowl, bleary and confused.

“No.” Isak mumbled, his eyelids fluttering.  Even could feel the tips of his eyelashes flutter over his fingers where he was cupping Isak’s face.  “Not suicide.” Isak slurred, his bleary eyes sliding away from Even’s face.

“What?” Even’s heart – if possible – hammered harder at those words.

“m’not depressed.” Isak sounded drunk, and that was what spurred Even into action.

“Shit, I need to get you to a hospital!” He realised.  He shoved his free hand into the pocket of his borrowed hoody in case someone had left their phone in it, but no luck.

“Issy, I’ll be right back.” He promised, nudging his nose gently against Isak’s to get him to open his eyes again.  It worked for a second; unfocused green eyes met Even’s gaze before they slipped closed again.

It might not have been a suicide attempt but Isak wasn’t exactly the picture of life.  Even scrambled to his feet and got his phone from where he’d left it on their bedside table, dialling for the ambulance as he hurried back to Isak.  It felt like the weight of the world was crushing down on him and he crumpled down next to Isak, whose whole body shook with the force of his dry heaving.

It felt like an eternity before he was connected.  He rubbed Isak’s back in what he hoped was a soothing movement as he explained what had happened and gave their address.  A little of the weight he felt crushing against his chest lifted when they told him an ambulance was on the way.

He dropped his phone onto the floor and pulled Isak away from the toilet bowl, bringing him into the safe circle of his arms.

“My baby…” Even thought he knew what heartbreak felt like.  He thought he’d felt all the sorts of pain the world had to offer, but he was wrong.  Sitting against their shower door, cradling the love of his life against his racing heart and waiting for the ambulance to arrive to help Isak in a way Even wasn’t able to was an entirely new and shattering pain.  Even felt like his heart had been torn out and flayed right in front of him.  It was raw and unforgiving and Even never wanted to feel like this again.

He couldn’t even imagine how Isak felt right then.

“Not suicide.” Isak mumbled against his collar bone, sounding a little bit more lucid than he had before.  Even could hear the sirens coming up their road now.

“No?” He looked down at Isak, kissing his forehead.

“No.” Tears filled Isak’s eyes and Even’s pain magnified.  “I just wanted to sleep.” The tears spilt over then, and once they started Isak couldn’t stop them.

“I just wanted to sleep, Evi, I’m so _tired_.” Isak cried, weakly gripping onto the front of Even’s hoody.  Even wanted to cry.  He wanted to scream and shout that it wasn’t fair that the universe kept throwing shit at Isak.  Hadn’t Isak had _enough_?  Hadn’t he lived through _enough_?  He should be living his happily ever after, not sobbing into his boyfriend’s shoulder waiting to get his stomach pumped because he swallowed a whole bottle of pills just to get a night’s sleep.

It wasn’t _fair_.

“I know, baby, I know.” Even whispered, cuddling Isak close as if he could soothe the pain right out of his bones.  “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t realise it was this serious.  We’ll go to the doctor together, okay?  We’ll work something out for you, it’s gonna be okay.” Even promised, cupping the back of Isak’s head and rocking him gently.

Part of him wanted to rock his boy to sleep, but a bigger part of his brain was terrified that if Isak slept now he’d never wake up.

That was how the paramedics found them: huddled together on the bathroom floor, Isak shaking and crying and Even whispering gentle words and kissing his tears away.

It was undoubtedly the longest night of his life.

The ride to the hospital was quick – small mercies, Even supposed – but once they got there Isak was whisked off and Even was forced to fill in all the paperwork.  He did his best to fill it in; his mother was Isak’s emergency contact, but since Isak was still a minor Even had to swallow the bad taste in his mouth and give Terje Valtersen’s name too.

He wasn’t sure if Isak would have wanted privacy for getting his stomach pumped – having a tube forced down your throat and the entire contents of your stomach sucked out isn’t exactly a romantic night – but he got it anyway because the nurses kept asking things of Even and insisting that Isak would be fine without him for a few minutes.

 _Even had thought that too, but look where it had ended up_ , he wanted to say to them.  He resisted though, answering their questions as quickly as possible instead.

It felt like a thousand hours had dragged by before Even was allowed to go and see Isak.  His boy looked so small in the hospital bed.  Even didn’t think twice about getting up on the bed with him and holding Isak close to his chest.

Isak was so close to his heart, Even needed to reflect that in how he held him.

“I love you so much, Isak.” He whispered, his chest aching.  At some point his heart had calmed down and no longer felt like it was going to explode behind his Adam’s apple.  The erratic pain had been replaced with a heavy sort of exhaustion, the sort of ache Even had always associated with a depressive episode.

“Even.” Isak sighed, his breath fanning across Even’s collarbone.  Glancing down in surprise Even realised that Isak was asleep, tucking his face into the curve of Even’s neck like he always would back home.

Under the hospital lights the rings under Isak’s eyes looked darker than ever.

They needed to talk, that was for sure.

But not now.

For now, Even let his tired boy rest and settled himself down for a night of watching the love of his life sleep for the first time in weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! And as always you can find me over [here](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com) on tumblr (:


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